What Was Once A Puzzle Is Now Just Pieces

It all seemed so simple in the brochure. Eat your vegetables, do what you're told, go to school, get a job, and life would be smooth. Basically, they told us to embrace our inner cow and the World would curl up in our laps. Not so much.

Seems like they issued the puzzle with a couple pieces missing. Happiness comes to mind and so does freedom of choice. What if I didn't want to wear a suit to support the three kids I didn't want either? I struggled with “supposed to” and “want to” for years. Just ask my ulcers, they'll tell you. But the reality is no law- physical or biblical-says you can't be a responsible, productive person doing what makes you happy. Do you know what that means for us? We can choose to do what makes us happy and still be responsible adults.

Wow!

The Sandbox

When I was young, the neighbor would come home from his quarry job and empty his boots into his kids' sandbox. It wasn't peculiar to my six year old self, it was simply a thing that happened every afternoon like watching “The Munsters”. It isn't even anything to think about now, except I'm on this kick where every thing has deep meaning and purpose.

I pick up change in parking lots. Enough change to fill up my car and take a day trip every year so it makes me wonder why the people who dropped it didn't bother to pick it up. Maybe they didn't think it worth their while, but pennies make dollars and so on. It's little things that make up big things.

A little at a time is how we build things and how we lose things. And a little time sneaks away faster than anything. Here's an example: I had a coworker who came back exactly five minutes late from lunch every day. Not a big deal, until you do the math 25 minutes per week x 50 weeks=1,250 minutes or 20.8 hours a year. She skipped two and a half days of work five minutes at a time. Just for fun, pick any day and add up how much time you waste on your phone or surfing meaningless stuff on the internet. I'm afraid of the actual number but I suspect I waste at minimum two hours a day on YouTube. That works out to be 30.4 twenty-four hour days days a year. An entire month I'm not doing anything useful

Now for the neighbor, maybe his kids' sandbox was an hourglass measuring his life or just a practical place to empty his shoes. Anyway, the point is the little you things you do every day are what make up your life in the end.

Control Patrol

Last week my morning pages evolved into compiling a list of all the things in my life I have control over The definition of control being whether I could say yes or no and make it stick. Yesses made the good pile and noes were removed from my thoughts. Surprising how many decisions ended up in the yes pile. Lots of little ones like eating, exercising, shutting off the TV that affect the body, but big ones like who to spend time with, too. The most important is being able to choose my thoughts.

Here's a fun fact: I have complete control over who and what I think about.

Can I make that a truth? It's as true as I choose to make it.

Negative people only exist because I let them. Every time I let them in they steal my happiness and time I can't get back There's no good reason to let them do this no matter what leverage they have. I now repeat with conviction, “You're not worth knowing” then remove them from my life.

You know how much more you'll do by only focusing energy on what you have control over? Choosing to do the good things that benefit you? Here's another area I put in the remove pile, worrying about other people's lives. It's one thing to care and an entirely different thing to start trying to think for them.

Freeing myself of all the negatives and people who refuse to think should give me. . .me.

Yeah, I'm all over the place with the “you” and “mes”.

Sweet Mother of Wisdom

Experience isn't the source of all wisdom, wouldn't it be nice though?  But Wisdom lives in Distance and Distance lives on Time.

The Devil's Lawn

I've lived my life like a lawn ornament, relying on people and hunches to move me around hoping one of them will put me where I want to be doing what I want. It's not the most empowered lifestyle what with the dog peeing on me all the time and me always waiting to be three feet from wherever I am, but it does relieve me of responsibility.

I'm pretty sure Druids invented lawn ornaments. It makes sense for a lapsed Druid to cast a likeness of himself and stick it front of a bush so the neighbors won't gossip. And during football season--were the Druids big football watchers? probably not, but you know they watched and bet on something--imagine how handy a stand-in at church could be. Don't even get me started on having a doppelganger to attend your cousin's nephew's christening. Maybe, the Druids were visionaries to enhance their lives with lawn ornaments, but life for the ornaments--gnome, fawn, or mushroom--it is pretty much the same.

And I'm stuck working the lawn.

Synchronicity

Sometimes I breathe on the mirror to make sure I'm alive. You'd think walking over there would do the trick, but I need to see the steam. I need to feel the effort. But being reassured I'm alive forces the bigger question: Why?

YouTube offers a multitude of time enhancing videos on why alive happens and what to do about it, but I couldn't find a one that gave me the why of my alive. However, I discovered a new way to possibly plot a course to Why.

Synchronicity.

Synchronicity or “meaningful coincidences” are “guideposts on the path to your true self and purpose.” Okay, started looking for coincidences with characteristics implying omens. Seems like a lot of wiggle room in the interpretation department, but I've been giving it a shot and, by gosh, if nothing else it's interesting. For the last few months, I've been looking for a suburban farmhouse with a huge barn on fifteen acres with a money no object attitude. Now I never discuss my plans with coworkers or outside my inner circle yet people have started asking me if I'm a secret millionaire. Could it be my ideal house and a pile of money are close to meeting in my life and strangers sense it? Two days ago, a couple kids I was volunteering with called me “Bernie.” Guess what project I've been working on? That's right, “Bernie.” Are these innocent coincidences or comforting signs? It would really be nice if they were signs of imminent successes. Just saying.

I'd been using the Carrot and Stick method. It works well as a gauge. When I work and pursue carrots good things happen, when I wander I get the stick and bad things happen. It's pretty simple and it might work for you. Me? I'm going with synchronicity if only because it makes me pay attention.

The Fairness Factor

Whoever said life isn't fair completely lacked objective perspective and knowledge of the scientific principle behind “I'm rubber you're glue.” Life's bread and butter move is fairness. The physical Law of Fairness: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction holds in every situation. Remember, though, opposite is a directional measure not a substance measure. This is exactly why when you wish bad things would happen to bad people bad things happen to you. Instead, wish them a long and healthy life when they're doing life without parole.

I'm still perfecting my technique for wishing evil in a good and positive way. Here's an example: Someone stole my thumb drive, with all my writing on it, and when I asked around the house it mysteriously reappeared reformatted. In a less enlightened time I would have wished plagues upon him. Now, abundant fairness whatever the Universe decides that should be.

Let me get to some spiritual good news. Yesterday, I accidentally solved a creative dilemma during morning pages. Really, it launched a cool title with no story into story with one free form line. For three months I had no idea what to do with it and, now, it's complete. Not a bad day's work.

Nothing else has moved forward in a month, but one thing done beats detailed planning with empty pages to show for it.