I've lived my life like a lawn
ornament, relying on people and hunches to move me around hoping one
of them will put me where I want to be doing what I want. It's not
the most empowered lifestyle what with the dog peeing on me all the
time and me always waiting to be three feet from wherever I am, but
it does relieve me of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure Druids invented lawn
ornaments. It makes sense for a lapsed Druid to cast a likeness of
himself and stick it front of a bush so the neighbors won't gossip.
And during football season--were the Druids big football watchers?
probably not, but you know they watched and bet on something--imagine
how handy a stand-in at church could be. Don't even get me started
on having a doppelganger to attend your cousin's nephew's
christening. Maybe, the Druids were visionaries to enhance their
lives with lawn ornaments, but life for the ornaments--gnome, fawn,
or mushroom--it is pretty much the same.
And I'm stuck working the lawn.
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