Amy's Glacier

Glaciers are all about persistence and patience. Lacking the quick reflexes and pouncing skills of slugs, glaciers rely on complacency to trap their prey. Out of the corner of its eye a mountain sees a glacier coming, watches it for maybe a few thousand years, then the second it turns its back WHAM! turned into a valley.

Glaciers are a lot like life that way. You watch, plot, and dream for awhile then just when you think everything is under control WHAM! your dreams are smeared like cream cheese on a bagel. What happened?! I only turned my back for a second! Probably, it was more like a few years and a few more years after that to accept responsibility, and all the while time ground on. Do you know I didn't even see it coming? The horrible realization I wasn't where I was supposed to be, I mean.

Truth is all about timing. It kind of hangs around in the background, knowing WHAM! will come, whether you like it or not.

Okay, somehow the Glacier/Truth/Time continuum is unraveling before my very thoughts (mostly I'm thinking lunch) and I'm going to zigzag like a slug now.

Things are actually progressing inside and out right now. Inside, ideas have taken on prioritizing themselves lest they get time smeared. I like it when plans tire of me and force their own birth. Outside, the sun is coming out and I can work out Winter's kinks in time for swimsuit season.

And if you want to know where all this came from, read the title.

A Long Line to Draw a Conclusion

Men and melons are hard to know. -Benjamin Franklin

It is a little known fact that Benjamin Franklin is my imaginary friend. We talk about a lot of things, but he has never explained this particular quote to me. It would make sense if it concluded with “unless you thump them.” But standing alone all it offers is something to ponder in the produce section.

You know what else is fun to think about while shopping? Yourself. It turns out I'm full of self surprises. I  didn't know I love to draw and love it more after every drawn journal entry. Pretty cool because the drawings crave stories and I have stories needing illustration. You regular readers will point out I've been talking about this for years but, you see, that's all I was doing. I liked talking about it because it sounded cool, but I never really did anything about it. Now, it seems my subconscious was working on it all along. I discovered this at Taco Bell this morning not the supermarket. Not the biggest epiphany of the week, but I'm happy with it.

No, the biggest AHA was realizing I had no fear of public speaking, but lots of fear talking one-on-one. You know when I learned this? Right after explaining to the lunchroom the need to wash their hands (I was paid to do this) and being cornered afterwards by a fink wanting to name names. Maybe it was her insistence that scared me, but I really wanted the obscurity of a crowd.

No, I don't have any point.

No Time Like Overtime

Always beware of the fact, that the only thing hindering an all out revolution is your fear of losing the scraps they throw at you. -GORE VIDAL

And that is why I wake up and go to work, instead of creating, and hate every minute of it.

Death to Fear

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. -KAHLIL GIBRAN, Sand and Foam


I'm in a steep learning curve fueled by anger and curbed by fear. I should be thankful for the horrors trying to turn my self-limiting fears into the desirable choice, but I still hold the horrors. Hate them, rage at them, and embrace them because I know what they are. I'm not sure what could be worse than where I am and what I'm doing (other than life in a Third World prison) and I don't want to find out. Could it be as simple as failure? Been there and done that multiple times, surviving when I thought it was impossible. I've done the impossible as many times as failed with equal ease. (It is failure-mostly-and I just wrote myself out of it, but I need more post.) Fear of success? Isn't that like being afraid of an all-u-can eat buffet? It makes zero sense and it's not me. Fear of the new and unknown? Possibly, happiness has always been an elusive state for me and my plans will make me very happy. So why is it I let the horrors stay?

I don't know, but I sure use “but” a lot.

Let me give you some good news: The shattered tooth was removed and I now have a convenient place to store a six inch sub. It didn't just give in and let itself be yanked; it was kicking and clinging to life until the dentist grabbed the Sawzall. RIP Molar 15

More good news: I've decided to go be happy no matter the cost.

Tastes Like Perky

Mostly “slow and steady” gets you separated from the herd and eaten. -Bernie

I'll Take the Life Raft with the Hole, Please

So, I'm stocking my life raft with needed supplies-I'll get to that next week-when my tooth shattered and I realized I hadn't packed a dentist.  Know where dentists go when it's snowing and your tooth is broken?  Florida, I suspect.

Anyway, I have a whole real idea to fluff and post for next week when my tooth will not be dancing to a throbbing Latin beat.,

I will survive.

Hope and Expectation

For the last two months I've felt like an electrified porcupine wanting a hug.  Usually, 'atta boy' or any other encouragement suffices, but this is different.  I need a real hug.  Touching?! Eww!  Not a fan of physical interaction most of the time.  Maybe it's the coming holidays which I plan to spend as alone as possible.

I don't know.  I need a hug, though.

Did you know a synonym for hope is expectation? Good to know, because I've been approaching hope all wrong.  I've been using hope as "it would be nice,and I would be happy, but I'm not counting on it" when really I should've been using it as "I expect this to happen because it's what I want to happen."  Substituting "expect" for "hope" creates a more active role for me in my life.  Coincidentally, taking an active interest in my life is next year's resolution.  I only have one carefully worded resolution for next year

I expect stability.

I have clearly defined ideas of what constitutes stability for me.  Now, I'll circle a few dates on my calendar, take some action and expect to have it all.

I like the idea of having it all.  I like it a lot.

Happy New Year to Everyone!