XXX Post

I know you came here expecting to read a fluff piece about matricide, but something important happened last night.

I don't know, if you know, that I've been battling insomnia for the last three years.  I'm afraid to go to bed unless I've been chasing cough syrup with bourbon and sometimes that isn't enough.  Admittedly, I've never been very good at sleeping.  For you it's a natural skill but for me it's about as natural as eating gum off my shoe.  I wish it was only night terrors or mid-night empties, but it's much worse.  There's a demon trying to kill me.  I go to bed a healthy, fearlessly whoozy, self-medicated CEO and wake up an armadillo that works nights as a speed bump.  Today I almost wet myself during the twelve foot trek to the toilet because the stabbing pain in my left buttock left me unable to walk.  An innocent looking, pillow-topped demon named Mattress attacks me at night.

I baubled the Beast with 1200 count sheets and $150 down pillows, but she attacked me all the more-enough.  Evil Mattress will die in a sanitary landfill with diapers and pizza boxes.  She'll be all of three years old.

Okay, now the countdown.  I have three minutes before the fifteen minute blog is finished.  Did you know I set an egg timer and fifteen minutes is what you read?  Pretty simple system.




 

Waiting for the Rapture

What do you mean I can't take the dog?  I can't take The Minions either?  Explain this Heaven thing again.  Oh, they're going.  I guess that makes sense.  Heaven needs a shoe chewer, salmon slapper and helium huffer to keep Their EOE status.  Really?  Just thinking about it was enough?  And I'm guessing the blind thing is true too.  Oh, so not all once it adds up and smacks you when you hit forty.  So every person I see holding a menu at three feet has been. . .  We should have formed a league or something.  Not helping my case, huh?

We had a morbidly introspective week here at Jotsalot Media and it started on Monday.  A Monday morning mirror is a cruel mistress, all about mortality, deadlines and comparisons to classmates doing really well.  Not, we-used-our miles-to-upgrade-to business-class well; we-always-fly-business well.  I fall short of that.  Tuesday I tried on a suit for the first time in nine years only to discover they've all shrunk.  I think it's existential withering from not feeling fulfilled as a garment.  I am the same svelte person I was when I could still see my toes and not time or pizza will change that.  Wednesday I was a debutante waiting to be courted after sending out a resume.  Thursday was plain ugly and I was trying to pretend my resume was just buried in a busy person's cyber in-box.  Today I wrote my little fingers to the bone as it should be.

I suppose some of you are wondering what just happened.  I couldn't resist clicking on the inverted quotation marks and presto! I made this post look really long.  All-in-all it was a productive week and I shouldn't be too hard on myself or The Minions.  And as for the classmate thing, that's a 36x48 sheet of blank paper to fill-every day.   I want to see them try that in business class.

A Tip of the Hat

I know you're here to read my usual self-absorbed ramblings about starting a business, diva employees and finding enough time to do everything.  But this one is going to be different because it's an experiment in attracting attention which I suppose gets back to self-absorbed.

This week I read a book about social marketing and it stated that to attract readers a person should use "topical" words gleaned from search engine lists.  But how to organically work Kleenex, a Kimberly-Clark product, into a post?  I suppose I could mention I attended a private high school in Beaver Dam and write a tear jerking account of my first night there that would have you reaching for a Viva paper towel, but it seems so contrived.

Maybe I could write a glimpse behind the business and allow you into my private world.  Not just the products I use like Yuban coffee and Newman's Own pretzels, but the music I listen to and that sort of thing.  I still listen to Mott the Hoople (and who doesn't?) and a day without the Foo Fighters is a day incomplete.  Johnny Cash, Elvis and Neil Young make me happy too.  Well, and so does the Megan Boyer Band and the Stonethrowers and Bill Evans and Andy Webb.

I like photography.  This could be hurtful if I start mentioning names of people I know and the list is incomplete so I won't do it.  Besides photography is part of work and you already know all about that.

Don't worry this will all be over soon because I really want to watch the Red Wings and eat a Tombstone pizza dinner.

Did I remember to mention Jotsalot Media LLC? Norma Timpkins? The Road Taken Project? Scary Fairy Films? Elana Kemp Honey? Malaysia?